Courtney's Journal

Well. These past two weeks have been long, and stressfull! Im glad Im comming home. I wake up tomarrow at 4 and leave by 5. Now i get to go back to facing what has stressed me out here. FRIENDS. Or thats what I called them for the longest time. Now they have just become more of a pain. I always feel cornered and trapped. Its not fair! Im not being greedy, its just I dont deserve this! I shouldnt have to choose between things. So I have decided to change. Change EVERYTHING. The way i treat myself, the way i look at things, who im with, what I do. Its all going to change. And for some thats going to mean loosing me for good. I am going to delete my myspace. It just slows down my computer, and Its pointless. Im not sorry for what Im doing, because in the long run, it will hurt less people, includeing me. I dont want to be one of thoes people who sit around waiting for somting to come to them. Im going to be that one who goes and finds what she wants. Im going to express styles that I like, not because eveyone else is, its because I like them. So if anyone is considering calling me names, labeling me, or anything...remember IT WONT HURT ME. Im not taking what people say to me to heart. Ill keep on being who I am inside, but expressing it in a diffrent way. We are going into highschool. I dont want it to be full of nothing. But i dont want to regret anything. Now is the time to make the right choices, and mature. And i advise that some of you do the same. And if YOU think this is a bunch of bull, then that is probably directed right at you. Now is the time to get a back bone, stand on your own 2 feet, stop relying on BOYS (not guys) to be there for us, because they wont be. If you can stand on your own, you can do anything, dispite what everyone else thinks. So this is what I want from myself. Hopefully you see where Im comming from. If not. Im Sorry....not for what I said, im sorry that you dont believe inyourself enough to do this too.
I love you guys i really do. Some of us need to grow up to be the young adults we are, and stop wishing on a star.

well normaly I sleep in untill like 11:30, but i woke up to my period thismorning. horrible pains in my belly (BELLY MEDICINE). So now i have to go get stuff, cuz all I have is pads, and they feel like dipers, and thats gay, and i wana go back to bed, but i cant stay still. I think i have ADD or something. IM SOOOOOO EXCITED TO GO HOME! My cousin Jodi is comming up from NC JUST for me!. Shes commin Friday and spending the night. I dont know how many days she is staying. But thats ok. And yeah When my grandpa goes somplace, ill send you guys the invites. He told me i could only go on myspace when im at home. Doesnt make sence in my head, but hes old, hes confused, crazed. All that good stuff. Well got to go eat breakfeast and be a bitch for a few day. Its my only chance..wait..no im a bitch all the time :)

WOW, uhh bri you seem to be the only one writing in this so I thought I would join you. Im going to be sending out ivitations via myspace for the party. I just need everyones address. I have pauls, and bri's. his is #### Gaskin somthing..haha and Bri's is 77 Brown Street. Correct? betchyo ass it is! Well Im making a cake for my cousins birthday. Its gunna come out super cool, cuz i made it. Ya know how good I am at that stuff. Gah now i have to pee...
*runs to bathroom*
ok much better. Well Sorry to make this short, but my cake is ready for me ;). ew? lol ANYWAYS... Ill send out the things tomarrow


LOVE YA

Eh, ok so im sitting on my ass waiting for the old folks to get done gumming their food. haha JK! well they arnt gumming itthey are just eating. OK not the point. Im borde. we are going to see fireworks in about a half hour - 45 min. im super excited. theres always cuties there. Not that ANY of them notice im there, but its nice to gawk. :) ANYWAYS...i did my hair in red white and bluueee ribbons, same as jess. I get a picture and put it up. Shes sucha cutie. Change of topics. I cant wait untill my party!! you guys better have fun! you dont have to bring a presents but they would be greatly appreciated. Did i spell that wrong. It looks wrong..ok, changeing topics again. I baught this underwater camera, so hopefully the pictures come out ok. Ill put them up too..maybe..unless i look awkward...like im drounding..hahaha...quite possible. Ok im going to go do my makeup. I baught red white and blue stuff.. :)


Bye byes lOves

Im finaly in NJ. I got here a little after one. Surprisingly im NOT tired. I slept all the way out of NY. then for a little bit of Penn. Then We had the windows down, and music blasting..lol We are soooo ghettoo!!:):)
Ok so last night was fun, untill like 4:00AM. Then I got bitchy. I had to be up in 3 hours, and i cant function on JUST 3 hours of sleep. So yeah, puddle spashing was fun! me and olenka fricken rock at it. Tiff didnt want anything to do with the water, and bri was about to flip shit at me if i kept getting her wet!..haha your soo funny! But, the food was good, minus olenkas food in the basemen, that was like rotting chicken ass! An YES i do know was that smells like, cuz i had to pick up two dead chickens friday. Shut up i DONT want to talk about it!! ANYWHO! Girltalk was revieling. I have doubts about ppl keeping their mouths shut. not saying anyone imparticular...buuut. OK changing subjects..

gahh my dad wants me to play a movie for him. My crew one and my Sweet 16 one..

Later bitches

YAY VACATION IS COMMING!!!
Im super excited about going down to NJ. There are SOoOoOo many cuties down there. Tiff knows what Im talking about!! Ahh AND the BEACH!! nice..and the boardwalk! YESSSS..and Im getting 200$ to go down there. I hear the word SHOPPING and MALL in the near future!! It will be nice to be there for two weeks with my cousins! I miss them. Its going to be my last year to go down there for a vacation. Next year its MONEY MAKING TIME BITCHES! :) Gahh it will be cool to make money...besides babysitting.Well my cakes are bakeing. :)

OMG, soooo much stress between my friends flipping out, dad and deb ripping eachothers heads off, this kid im babysitting....i need a vacation from my vacation!!!! its getting too much for me to handle, im on ther verge of BALLING MY FREAKING EYES OUT

Ok, so i guess me having a life other than food, and the computer is a sin of some kind under the God of a certin someone. So If anyone else has a problem with me being in crew. Tell me now. I need help making a choice. I thought this would be a phase, but i guess not. Its going to be hell when I get a job for you. Im dead serious, if your bitching now about me not being there 3/4 of the time, what are you going to do when Im not there 100%????? you tell me?